a dark nights dreaming

a very troubled night of dark and tumultous dreamings, fraught with turmoil and betrayal and urgent situations, the cascading scenes burnt sill into my psyche when i draggled to awakeness in my narrow bed, and the utter despair and raw and bleeding wounds of these recent years erupted in a relentless sobbing, and i do not know where to turn for sanctuary, for succor. I stumbled thru dense damp woods as the nocturnal movies flash in horrific detail across my souls windows as strive the claim that which was good and furthering i see again the rocky scramble up the jagged cliffs in my dreamings, the strangers i encountered there and the confusion of always trying to make things right for everyone.. How can i forgive what has happened to me,these betrayals? how can i forgive myself for my own monstrous actions? Ah, but thru my swollen eyes, i see the love i Am surrounded with, and i see that which is good in my life, and set these ghosts to rest, I seek to feel surrender to that which is done. I feel a tremulous smile to quiver its way across my face. The birds erupt into song in my studio, my sanctuary, the ancient PleoCatra and attentive Zoe Dorable are at my side. it was just dreams. And this good moment is my Life

Tuesday, BluesDay. Woos the New Days

The sky is a shattering gray, rumples and smears of hopeful silvering in casual disarray with companion counterpoints of a sullen brooding charcoal...

Oh, i laugh at the sky, just the ashes of  days and deeds done and gone, and yes i do see the promise of sky on yon ridge....

   I realise there is a small dot of something inappropriate on my monitor, in the very spot where my next words would have fallen...gracefully, one would hope, but when they, as spontaneous visitors show up from some upwelling in my spirit, or casual happenstance of near random free association....

 hey, speaking of......

So, i realised there was a spot of something on my monitor, i touch it tenatively, guaging its possible source or tenacity..it is about as large as a blunted pencil lead, a crayon tip perhaps, oatmeal in color and texture. It lifts right off, with a caress of my {i really should file those things smooth}  nailtip, and its whole role in this conversation is done.

   As i touched the monitor,  pressing in so slightly, i realised for the first time in the 2 or so years in which i have spent considerable time warming myself at the Alter OF Shifting Light, i had not once touched the screen and discovered that its surface is soft and flexing, not the selfcontained wall of molecules as glass is.

 And now, in the sudden knowing, i am beset with the desire to touch it , just one more time, to see the subtle give of the membrane, as enticing as a near diaphaneous portal to another potential alternate world, as we have seen in so many Sci Fi or Otherworldly  movies....Twilight Zone, my childhood babysitter , had perhaps given me  the first glimpse of this possibility that there are otherworlds nearby, and if we are so brave as to see thru the diaphaneous barrier to a more furthering world, and can step thru into that new Sky.

   In the movies, it is often made of a tightly contracted fog. Ostensible but not actual. Obvious, yet obscure. It is both a securing barrier, it is also an opening door.

    I stand in this opeing door, and  revel in the new sky....the breeze is lilting and the Song is everwhere......

     I have, however , apparently used up my quota of comma's and so will find something useful to do.